Peace.

I had a very rough night last night. I had a sense of dread that I haven't felt in years. I fear that things are about to change, that my life is about to get a whole lot more hectic. I'm afraid that he is going to find me. I'm afraid for everything. Which some may say is normal. But my normalcy isn't being afraid of a particular person. I guess being afraid of particular people. I don't like fear. I like adrenaline, like the kind you get from a haunted house whenever you've never been, and you know someone is going to scare you but you aren't quite sure who, the thrill you get from riding an amusement park ride, those are the kind of things you should be afraid of...or atleast nervous for. You should not fear people.

I've done this for too long. Been afraid. I have no idea how to calm my fears. My paranoia. I know that one day, I'll find out he died, and things will be better in that aspect, but there'll always be someone that I'm terrified is going to come and find me.

I really want peace, to be able to live my life happily. I want things to be better. Thats why I'm trying to hard to actually write in here, and make some kind of sense. I really want peace. I want it bad.

I've got to go now because it seems like Lecie is awake. So goodnight sweet dreams and hopefully tonight is a less dread filled night, and I get some sleep.