Three Years.

Today is 3 years since I was raped. Three years since the POLICE did NOTHING.  I still have days where I believe it was my fault. I said no but I didn't fight. I let it happen. I walked into his house.  I still see him in my head, especially when sex is involved. More often than not people do not understand why this has affected me so much. There was technically no violence.

I said NO.


I want to curl up in a ball today and hide from the world. I don't want to leave the house, I just want to sleep the day away.

Atleast one good thing came of this. Even though I got crazy, lost myself, and slept with too many people. I got my beautiful healthy baby. If none of this had happened I have no doubt she would not be here.

So for that I am thankful.

Sick today :(

I feel like poop today :(. The landlord is coming by with an appraiser today, hopefully we can get the house cleaned in time :D.

I need ideas for things to eat when sick, because usually I eat all day when I'm sick cause it confuses my body, into thinking that I am not sick. I feel that way anyway.


I guess I'll start with some broth. :( GAH!

Bad week :(

I hate this week with mad passion. :(
I feel the same way today as I did yesterday. If I can get through this week without gaining five pounds that will be a miracle.
Oh!
Z, your right it wasn't a binge but it felt like it could have been the start. I've felt like going on a binge since yesterday afternoon, but I keep stopping myself. Which is progress in itself. :)

I said when I started this I wanted to be healthy both mentally and physically, and Friday I have a appointment to work more on the mental aspect. Hopefully this helps more and I'm able to succeed in what I want to do :)

I'll probably post more at the end of the day :)

Binging disaster :(

Ok, so maybe it isn't so much a disaster as a step back. I was doing so well. :(.
It's my fault I started the day badly. My mom had to get her wisdom tooth pulled, and I was expecting to go home and eat breakfast while she was in with the doctor. Didn't happen, they made me stay until she was done. Then we just stopped by Mcdonalds, and even though I got just a chicken sandwich with no sauce. . . it was still crispy. Which wouldn't have been bad, but then I had a york peppermint patty, which even that isn't bad....Until you add an expresso truffle on top of that.

:(
My binge wasn't horrid though. I had a half a peice of baked chicken, probably no more than 2 ounces, with some ranch, and 4 of those whoknu cookies.


So looking forward to tomorrow. Early appointments, and then counseling on Friday. Lets ROCK the rest of this week.


We'll see if I can come up with some constraint tonight with dinner.
I have noticed that righting in here makes me feel better and not wanna binge so we will see. what happens.

Official check-in a day late!!!

I don't have much to say other than I'm supposed to be cleaning the kitchen. I feel like this is a major accomplishment and I know it won't continue to be this easy. I swear I am 100% eating right. Oh and I will add pictures later


WOOOT!


Stats
Age-22
Height-5'5"
Starting Weight-270lbsCurrent Weight-246

Measurements(to be done once a month)NEXT- 11-20-2011
Waist- 44.5inches from 48 inches
Hips-50 inches  from 51 inches
Thigh-27 inches  from 30 inches
Upper Arm-15inches from 17 inches
Neck-16 inches  from 16 inches
Calf-17 inches from 18 inches
Bust-50 inches from  51 inches
Under bust-41 inches from 44 inches
NEWGoals
Weight in at 250- Complete!
Weight in at 240- In Progress
Weigh in at 232- Not Complete
Weigh in at 220- Not Complete
Weigh in at 180- Not Complete
Weigh in at 160- Not Complete
Weigh in at 140- Not Complete
Be Happy With my Body - Not Complete

&&& Pictures

Everytime I get happy.

Stupid chocolate.

Put me over 2000 today. I felt a sugar rush and needed satisfaction. I don't count it as a binge though because it wasn't a binge type experience. I just needed some sugar.

Anyways...I feel ok about today regardless. Tomorrow will be better, and I'm sure me and Lecie will be able to get some kindof walk in :)

Goodnight :)

Hell Yes!

First goal accomplished! I made it under 250! It is only 248, but hey its a start, and I haven't binged once since I started.  I'm estatic :)

Anyways I've got to run we are making muffins and I have allowed one today so WOOT!


Bye :)